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diminutivefox

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Workin' and some random thoughts [Nov. 26th, 2009|12:08 pm]
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[Current Location |work .....]
[Current Mood | all worked out]

Today there is time to stop a little, slow down and breathe a bit. Not stop as in have time off stop, but stop as in not rush from school to school without so much asa cup of tea to keep you on your feet.
I actually got into town this morning to buy some craft resources (for something I didn't want to be put down for, but there you go...) and even some luxury items like lunch!

I finished my Nano (10,000 word version because of work) but the story hasn't really stopped. I'm left at a bit of a loose end with it really, I didn't know where it was going and had hoped it would wind itself down by the 10,00 word mark. However, it feels a bit like the end of church on a sunday, no-one seems to want to leave, they're all standing around, talking. Maybe I need to flick the lights off and they'll start moving again....

My new lipbalm is nice, it tastes yummy and isn't all greasy and gross.

I think I still need to go to bed, the brain was happy to make little musucal instruments out of plastic cups and rubber bands and rice. But that was probably the limit of my brain capacity today. Will need to have more caffiene to get through the youth group tonight!
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Argumentative [Nov. 6th, 2009|11:07 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | caffeinated]

*****Warning - slight ranting develops in the latter part of this otherwise fairly well structured journel entry (don't have time or the care to edit)****

Whilst searching for a Bible quote yesterday I came across an article which asks the question, 'Is God good?'. A valid question when you consider the darkness and corruption of the world and the people in it. However, I had a few problems with the argument in the essay, these are the summing up points:



- God is wise and powerful, OK.  But no matter how wise and powerful a person becomes, they don't have the right to dictate another person's beliefs, so why should God?

Good point, if God was a person. Which he isn't. We're made in his image, not the other way round. I know, I know, its semantics. Also, consider this; God doesn't dictate our beliefs, otherwise everyone would be Christian. If God is God at all, then he must be all powerful, and yet he still allows our free will, the opportunity to NOT choose him.

-
God is our Creator, so we should obey him.  Hey, if I clone a human being in a laboratory, I don't have the right to do what I want with him (whether it's slavery, rape, or murder) and he has full rights.  That should clarify that just because you create something doesn't mean you control it.

God gives us rules like any parent would. WE don't allow children to run across a busy road, or drink bleach - we set out rules because we want the best for those in our care. All the more so if we happen to have given birth to that person. If you create something, a work of art, a building, a bridge, whatever, you have ownership of it. It is yours to decide what to do with. You may choose to give your clone free will, or you can choose not to, as the creator/owner its up to you. God has decieded that even as creator, he lets us be truly free, even if that means we accept the consequences of that. 

- God has done so much good for us, we should obey him.  So, God does all sorts of good things for us, but only because he wants 100% obedience, not out of any desire to help people? Does that sound like an all good God to you? God will send us all to Hell if we don't accept his morals as the only true ones.  I say this is the most logical, and most disturbing, reason I've heard for God being all good.  However, this doesn't make God good, it just makes him too frightening to argue against.  Our personal beliefs still won't define him as good.

This would be a good point, if it weren't for the bit about 'morals'. God doesn't simply except us to be 'good people'. Thats impossible, even the best person you know is still a sinner. God is less concerened with people being a good boy or girl, and more concerened with people accepting salvation. The word Salvation has its roots in the Greek work for healing. God wants to heal us from our disease - sin.
Let me clarify; Sin stops us being able to be in a relationship with God. God is holy, perfect, pure, if he is to be any kind of god at all. And perfection cannot abide with imperfection. Sin is that which destroys, it is pride, anger, theft, lies, greed...all those things we see that are 'wrong' with the world. It includes our thoughts, our actions, our inaction, our words and deeds. Every person falls short of the call to be perfect. We are sick. literally to death, with the disease of Sin and cannot hope to get ourselves well again by any amount of good works or adhereance to any moral code of behaviour. 
So God gives us a soloution - Jesus. Jesus takes the sin out and replaces it with holiness. When we are judged (which the Bible and comon sense assures us, we will be) God will not see the sin that has held us back, but Jesus' righteousness instead.
This is how God defines and demonstrates his goodness.

If we are going to honestly look at the world we have to ask whether God is good, we must ask questions about suffering and poverty and injustice. But if we truley want an answer to those questions we must examine what God has already told us. We must look at what God has done in the past, at what we know God is like and form our conclusions from there. I don't think the annonnymous person who wrote this article has had much experience of the Bible, it is impossible to read even the first five chapters of Genesis without seeing the overwhelming goodness of God. The flaw doesn't rest with them alone, one of the biggest reasons people have these lines of argument come from Christians not witnessing as they should. We as Christians need to dedicate our lives to knowing God so that we may faithfully tell others of him. And those who seek to demean Christian beliefs should probably do as much hard work, and good luck to them. They have a harder task of disproving God's goodness than those of us who can tell of his wonderous goodness each time we open our eyes or take a breath.




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Love for Microsoft [Oct. 23rd, 2009|11:24 am]
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[Current Location |work (but not for long!)]
[Current Mood | cheerful]
[Current Music |'Cells' - The Servant]

I will often bang on about how rubbish Microsoft is, but what I really mean (and I think I should hencforth be more specific in my dislike to avoid confusion) is that I hate Microsoft Windows.

What I LOVE about Microsoft is that within one week I sent off Kate's X-box 360 for repair, it gets picked up by UPS (for free), shipped off to Frankfurt (for free, don't forget), reparied and sent back. For free!

Even if it is their fault it broke in the first place and they kinda have to provide good costumer service or risk multi-million dollar lawsuits from just about everyone who brought an X-Box 360....I am a placated customer no longer baying for the blood of Microsoft. Windows however, is another story.

Also adding to the joy is the fact that its almost half term, one more lunch club to go and I'm officially free for one whole week! Hoooraaaay!


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Super Youthworker [Oct. 13th, 2009|02:28 pm]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | tired]

According to the writings of Rob Bell, Super Youthworker must die.

Let me explain. Super Youthworker is everything a youthworker should be:
She remembers all the names of all the children, thier birthdays and never gets their names mixed up with their siblings. She has time to engage and relate to all the various young people in her care, she is always willing to meet for coffee or to 'catch up', she is always on top of planning and is never late, each all age slot or epilogue is always groundbreaking and profound, speaking to young and old with clarity and authroity, super youthworker is full of amazing ideas that will revolutionise the way youth worker is done not only in one church, but many. Every evening is free for groups or planning meetings but you can still phone her at any time if you have a problem. She goes into all the schools in the city providing top assemblies, she is always there to take R.E lessons and to help and support staff, parents and pupils. As well as this, super youthworker finds time to be alone with God, eat three square meals a day and attend church for her own spiritual nourishment.

Do you see why Super youthworker must die? It's because SuperYouthWorker is a made up entity of all those things I have learned/assumed/imagined/been told that a youth worker should be like. It's obviously impossible to be like that, there's just not enough hours in the day. And the effort of trying to be SuperYouthworker (and failing) just adds to the stress of an already hectic vocation.

In his book, 'Velvet Elvis', Rob Bell talks alot about freeing ourselves up from the Superwhatever in our lives. Are we, am I, being honest in searching out what is wrong in our own souls, what drives us to try and achieve the unrealistic goals we set for ourselves?

It was a really profound chapter. Anyone who knows me will know that I bang on about Rob Bell alot, its because his preaching is thought provoking and insightful - can't really deny it. For me though, I'm going to have to think about how to kill Super YouthWorker....
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Stress Monster [Sep. 24th, 2009|02:30 pm]
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[Current Mood | moody]

So today I have been feeling stressed, and not just today but since I've been back to work. I worte a long and whiny rant about it on word and then delted it as a cathartic exercise. I would like to blame new medication but I don't think it is. I think I'm just being whiny about being busy, whiolst not entierly without merit I think I can just get over some of it. Still something that needs to be addressed but I should also just kick myself into just getting on with things and not worrying so much.
The only problem is I don't know where to find the worry 'off' switch....still looking into that.
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(no subject) [Sep. 9th, 2009|09:51 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | uncomfortable]

IT's that time of year again, WHSMiths is overrun with students of all ages stocking up on filing and stationary. Files have been organised, desks have been tidied, school uniforms are crisp and intact. That's right, its September, the beginning of a new academic year!

Trying to get back into routine is like this: I'm a criclular shape being squeezed into a triangular hole. It's not going very well!
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News That's Not New [Aug. 19th, 2009|09:32 pm]
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[Current Location |On Holiday (At Home)]
[Current Mood | calm]

Things I have done since finishing normal work for the summer (in order of happening):

1) Had a birthday! Yay!
2) Planned and ran a holiday club whilst simultaneously trying to hang out with rest of JAKS crew.
3) Spent a week at Devon Christian Youth Camps (Girls week) which was surprisingly great fun, but I spent equal amounts of time missing JAKS as well, so go figure.
4) Living and hanging out with JAKS, watching people do stuff whilst lacking the energy/enthusiasm to do much else, and making dens and playing D&D
5) Reading my library book, Heroes of the Valley by Jonathan Stroud. 'Tis good but perhaps not as good as his Amulet of Samarkand trilogy.

That's really about it, my holiday time is rapidly going by, I'm not happy with the speed at which its going. However, I am so infinitely glad its here!


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Nearly there.... [Jul. 16th, 2009|09:34 am]
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[Current Location |fuzzy brain land]
[Current Mood | pretty much half conscious]
[Current Music |Ed humming]

And so, end of term approaches. Which is nice. It has been a real struggle to get out of bed these past few days, today all the more so because of various midrif muscles cramping. They aren't so bad now but the super muscle relaxant painkillers do mean that I'm almost at slow-mo speed. We discussed the other night how fun it would be to live in slow-mo for a day and how slow-mo makes everything look cool. Don't believe me? Imagine ironing, pretty boring task to do and even more boring to watch. Now, imagine ironing in slow-mo, with the steam gushing forth and the creases being smoothed by the solid weight of the iron as it glides serenely over the material to the 'Chariots of fire' music. Much better.
I hadn't intended to talk about slow-mo ironing, but that's how my brain is working today. I could easily sleep on my desk right now...and oh look! There's my cardigan all rolled up like a pillow! How coveeeenient....
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Some End of Term Thoughts [Jul. 14th, 2009|02:32 pm]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | thoughtful]
[Current Music |ipod 'Chill' playlist]

I'm nearly there, just a few more days to go and my first academic year with ICE and St.Michaels draws to an end. It's been one of those years again, one that seems to drag by week by week and yet flys by without a chance to catch a breath!
I've enjoyed so much about this year, the simple knowledge that I've somehow fallen into the right sort of job while others struggle even for any kind of job (sorry guys, I don't deserve it, really!), doing a good work that is draining as anything, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Getting to know so many awesome people who are funny and enjoy what they do as much as I do, growing and developing my skills and learning as much as I did in University.
It's also been extremely challenging, but then you can't really have growth without challenges! I've never cried so much in my entire life as I have over the past year. Mostly just through sheer exhaustion, but also because of all the other things like not feeling very much like myself anymore. Being apart from the people who made me who I am for such a long time and in some cases to such a great degree of seperation has been really hard. Harder than I thought. I've had to be so many different things for different people, its been harder to live up to the many expectations of others, and the expectations I have of myself. I know I'm my own biggest judge. And the draining I talked about, I hadn't anticipated that and I'm glad I've got a God who gets me through each term regardless of how willing I am or not to do certain clubs and things. It's one of those jobs where if you're having a bad day (or longer) and you don't really feel like talking about Jesus you feel doubly guilty.
The thing is, It's not so much a job as a vocation, a way of life. I can say with all honesty that I've thrown myself right into this job and I've recieved the good and bad effects of that. I know I haven't shied away from any task, but at the same time I feel wrecked by the end of the year. Not a complaint (well, not much) but an observation.

So, some thoughts there. I felt like posting and having them on record somewhere. I'm not really a 'reflective practioner' by conscious decision, but I had to write something like this for the ICE Newsletter and thought I'd expand upon it for my personal benefit. Also The co-ordinators have commandeered the table and we've got to wait till they've finished so we can watch the last twenty mins of 'Amazing Grace'  I heart William Wilberforce!

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I cannot brain today, I has the dumb [Jul. 3rd, 2009|11:35 am]
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[Current Location |dumbland]
[Current Mood | dumb]
[Current Music |Hannah's DCYC mix cd]

As weeks go this one has not been too bad at all. A happy balance of being busy enough not to be bored with quieter moments filled with cutting and sticking. But today the need for a holiday has risen to the fore...I has the dumb.

Today I cycled into work when I should've walked - I normally get picked up from work for my driving lesson and then drive myself back home. My bike is not going to fit inside my instructors Mini Cooper without the assistance of a chainsaw. I could leave my bike chained up at the YMCA but that's tempting fate and I need it on Sunday anyway.
Second dumb thing I've done today - I had a phone call to let me know that the lunch club we do at a particular school today would be cancelled because the kids aren't there. Inset day or something. I then phoned Sarah (who helps with that club) to tell her that it was cancelled due to lack of kids only to find out that it was Sarah who had called me to tell me it was cancelled. I just phoned her to give her the message she just gave me five minutes ago! D'oh!

And I'm supposed to drive later today, Heaven help us all.
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The Edge of Insanity [Jun. 24th, 2009|09:56 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | mad]
[Current Music |Hank Green's songs]

I just had an entier post about how I was going mad and how I was happy with Orange phone co. for sorting something out without any fuss. I was just about to press spell check when my thumb brushed the outside of the mouse where there is stupidly a 'back' button. Thereby loosing my post. I am therefore slightly closer to the edge of insanity than I was about a minute ago.

Bibble.

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Procrastination [Jun. 22nd, 2009|02:59 pm]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | slightly sugar rushy]
[Current Music |Solid Rock - Delirious]

So basically I have nothing of interest to post about. I'm at work, I have just partaken of a rather nice jam donut and cup of tea. I'm putting the finishing touches to an assembly for next week, I've almost made an executive decision about calling off an event next week and I'm itching to go home and carry on reading The Lies of Locke Lamora. The only thing contesting that last reading urge is the desire to colour in my picture. My love/hate relationship with brocade fabric has come to the fore again. I'm a masochist. You can tell from my sketchbook.
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Not On This Planet Today [Jun. 18th, 2009|09:43 am]
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[Current Location |work (in theory)]
[Current Mood | sleepy]

I just spent the first 43 minutes at work dossing around. I'm pretty sure I've got work to do somewhere around here, I just can't quite work up the motivation to go and look for it right now. I do feel somewhat guilty, although I'm more suspicious than anything....I'm sure I'm going to have a moment of realisation a bit later which will go something like this:

ARRRRRGGGGHHH! I have NO TIME!!! What happened to all my time! Why oh why didn't I do all this stuff earlier instead of dossing around!! Oh woe is me!!!

Until then however I'm going to live in ignorant bliss with hint of suspicion. I should've brought my sketchbook, then I could've worked on my Locke Lamora fanart.
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Eating Fromage Frais for the Lord [Jun. 16th, 2009|11:57 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | full]

Im currently on my 4th and 5th yougart pots. They need emptying for a craft Hannah and Karis are doing at an after school club today. This means we have to eat some yougarts. It's a good thing I like them, but I am getting a little yougart-ed out now. The things we do in service.

I've had a fun day so far, singing a somewhat cheesy song in assembly (love is the message and the message is love. Complete with actions on the chorus!), making a poster to advertsie the Sizzling Summer Celebration (nautical themed picnic/possible BBQ all age worship thing) and inventing a fathers day craft because the ones on the internet were at polar opposites on the easy and boring --- hard and will take ages scale. All I need are some ping pong balls, some paint, some golf tees, glue and little superman things. It's gonna be good. I hope.
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Abortion [Jun. 10th, 2009|10:57 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | thoughtful and headachey]

My co-worker Ed (he's in secondary schools) has to do some lessons about abortion in a few weeks time, he's watching a DVD about different points of view on abortion and its making me think.
I remember being in high school R.E and thinking that abortion was wrong, unless the child would have severely damaged quality of life or the mothers life was in danger if the pregnancy was carried through. I've generally held that terminating a pregnancy terminates that life, and that killing is wrong. I still believe that wholeheartedly, but when I try and put myself in the position of an unexpected, unplanned pregnancy, I wonder what I'd actually feel like.
Is it really up to me to decide what quality of life is? A disabled child is no less a human being, I'd like my child to know that I wouldn't give up on them, and that if necessary I'd give my life for  them no matter whether they were born or not.

But it's alright for me isn't it? Looking from the outside to have all these judgments and morals, but what if it was a choice between my life and my baby's life...? What if I'd been raped...? What if I was fifteen and still had my GCSE's to do...? I think we can only know how we'd feel in those situations if we were really in them, really living them. Just like I don't know how I'd react if I had the opportunity to take a bullet for someone...would I do it? I'd like to think I would, but I wouldn't really know for sure until the very moment of it happened and adrenalin took over. (That's not a perfect analogy of course, there's probably more time to think about an abortion than whether or not to take a bullet for someone).

I honestly don't know where I would start if I was planning this lesson...some of the girls he's going to teach this stuff to may very well have had or are considering having an abortion. Dude.
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Indescribable [Jun. 9th, 2009|02:18 pm]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | spaced out]

Karis has just shown me this amazing presentation by Luois Giglio. It's called indescribable and Louis basically takes us on a mini tour of our galaxy with some facts and figures thrown in. It's mind blowing, we're so very tiny - our solar system is itty bitty, the size of a dollar compared to the whole USA, that teensy. And we think Jupiter is far away! The second best bit was when he showed a picture comparing the size of the earth compared to the sun. I'd never really thought about how big the sun is, why would I? It looks tiny from way down here! But it was so huge next to earth! I'm glad we're as far away as this, we'd be in trouble otherwise.
The best bit was when he showed us a picture of whats at the center of a whirlpool galaxy. There's this thing called an 'X' formation, it looks just like a figure on a cross. It was one of those 'No wai...' moments, the ones when you feel your jaw drop, or your lips curve into a smile. A moment of acceptance that the universe is so far beyond our capabilities of understanding, and the God who created it all not only became a human (all of that God-ness compacted into a person!?!) but died on a cross. *mind blowed up*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewKtSKbWZUI  - Make yourself a cup of tea, find some biscuits, sit down and watch it.
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Bad week for my doggie [Jun. 5th, 2009|09:55 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | righteously peeved]

I'd really hate to be Pippin this week. Not only has he been to the vets three times (far more than any poor beastie should have to tolerate) but last night whilst out on a walk he was attacked by two other dogs. Fortunately he was completely fine, my mum however suffered a bite on her finger from the other dogs, whose owner not only neglected to apologise to her but also berated us for having our dog on a leash....

I don't understand this guy. He's the one who can't control his dogs, and he's telling my mum that we shouldn't have our dog on a leash? The police can't do anything much because from their point of view it was a dog on dog attack and they only get involved if the dog attacks a human. Our local MP is pretty good though, she's had cctv installed down that road and she's on the case to the police and dog-warden. I dunno, its ridiculous really. My poor dog deserves a bone to chew or something nice and tasty.

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Doggie Update [Jun. 3rd, 2009|09:24 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | worried]

Pippin is looking much better, but the vets are still doing tests and things. It looks like the outcome will either be a simple easy to treat infection, a bladder problem which will require an operation or the start of a tumor which will probably also include an operation. *sad face* He's not even an old dog! He's only 6 for crying out loud! But at least he doesn't seem to be in pain much, just uncomfortable perhaps, difficult to tell exactly when you can't speak dog.

I hope he's going to be okay.
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Poorly doggie [Jun. 2nd, 2009|10:09 am]
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[Current Location |work]
[Current Mood | worried]
[Current Music |Away - Mediaeval Baebes]

Our doggie is not very well. He's at the vets with suspected gall stones which is not very nice at all. He spent yesterday evening all dopey and sad looking crashed out on the sofa. I'm hoping they don't have to operate on him, animals look so pathetic with those cones around their heads.
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Geek Wednesday [May. 28th, 2009|10:55 pm]
Ohkay, so yesterday was one of the best days ever. What happened was thus: There was a great big extended space battle, the Vulcan home-world was imploded in a big black hole created in its core, Wolverine went 'RRAAAAAAGH!', we went to Gamesworkshop and Subway and Patrick Stewart was there too!!!

We decided that was the best way to describe the awesomeness that happened yesterday. Basically, we decided that we were going to go and see the Star Trek movie and the X-Men Wolverine film on the same day, grabbing some food in between. We had some timing troubles and had to re-schedule ourselves a little but we did it! I was blown away by Star Trek, honestly an amazing film. I wasn't expecting great things from Wolverine, but I was expecting to be entertained, and I was! Even if there wasn't quite enough or southern enough Gambit action and the whole thing was a little, well.... I dunno, you can't put it in the same scale as Star Trek, or even the  first X-Men film. It's good enough in its own right, like a film you'd have on while you were drawing or something. It was good, but these days we get accustomed to wanting greatness out of a movie - Star Trek, Lord of the Rings (most thereof) and the first couple of Spiderman films have spoilt me I fear.

All in all, it was an awesome day spent doing geeky things with two of my best buddies. It could've been made better only by the addition of the other one and the removal of the headache. Speaking of which, I should probably wear my galsses more often and sort out my pillow.
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